One, I may actually never get married or have a family of my own. Of course I've always thought this was a possibility, given the fact I don't have a boyfriend or a ring on my left hand- or anything even close to resembling that. BUT it really hit me that it may not happen for me, for whatever reason. I've been thinking about that and almost grieving it, realizing how much I've actually wanted this for my life at some point. God hasn't given any clear answer, that is for sure.
Now, the second thing that struck me this week, often follows the types of thoughts mentioned in the previous paragraph. When thinking about marriage and a family, I know this is not the end-all be-all of human existence, in the New Testament Paul even talks about how it is better to be single! I realize that those things are not the only way to life this life. I have a lot of interests, lots of things I'd love to try out, knowing full well that there are probably not enough years in my life to try them all. So I think about all of the beautiful things to take pictures of, the amazing people to meet, the work of so many hands and agencies for the better of those they do not and may not ever know and the pain so many people live in everyday. I think that this is what I want my life to be.
I watched a new show this week on MTV (don't judge) called "World of Jenks" that is about this young documentary film maker that goes around and Chronicles the lives of extraordinary young people. Jenks says "Every young person I meet has a unique way of speaking to our generation. Their story is personal but their message is universal: to make a difference and leave their own unique stamp on society."
In watching two episodes, I think I've found a great show. In one of the two, Jenks is hanging out with rapper Maino. They are in the ghetto of a city on the east coast, talking about their different experiences. One Maino's friends says something rather simple but profound. He states that people say they want to help those in need and in trouble, but those people don't come to where they are. That struck a personal cord with me, because this is true of me. I want to help those in poverty, homeless, drug and alcohol addiction, and those struggling in third world countries. But I don't go to them. How can I say I care about them if I don't show up? I'm just one more hypocrite.
My heart aches for those that don't have clean water, struggle with addiction, and suffer from diseases. Maybe that is my road. Maybe instead of or in addition to grad school and a career, serving those in need is where my life is going. Maybe it isn't the most traditional, but maybe that is it.
An awesome cause is the Advent Conspiracy, "an international movement restoring the scandal of Christmas by substituting compassion for consumption." To challenge us to think of the true meaning of Christmas. The basic principles are that as Americans we spend an obscene amount of money on Christmas each year, and for what? More stuff or cool things? This movement challenges people to worship fully, spend less, give more and love all. This is something the church's I've been to have participated in for the last three Christmas seasons. This is also something my family has participated in for the last two Christmas seasons. Something that I've found really special. It is my goal to take those basic principles of worship fully, spend less, give more and love all- all year long.
There are some really awesome causes and organizations within the Portland area that I need to look into. Maybe help out with the women at the Portland Rescue Mission, volunteer my time with Mercy Corps, or take a big step raise support to go on a short term project with Medical Teams International.
So, I say this. But I'll probably get up in the morning, get my coffee, got to work and work, drive home and think little about those beautiful things. This is where things need to change. This is where the rubber needs to meet the road. I've got to act. So following this post, you'll find the usual and mundane posts from me, but you'll also find some of my stories or experiences. I might crash and burn, I might have a few awkward conversations or I might met some amazing people and share a little more life with them. I want to live a good story.
Donald Miller talks a lot about living a better story, he wrote a whole book about that. In that book, 'A Million Miles in a Thousand Years', he says, "I think this is when most people give up on their stories. They come out of college wanting to change the world, wanting to get married, wanting to have kids and change the way people buy office supplies. But they get into the middle and discover it was harder than they thought. They can't see the distant shore anymore, and they wonder if their paddling is moving them forward. None of the trees behind them are getting smaller and none of the trees ahead are getting bigger. They take it out on their spouses, and they go looking for an easier story."
This challenges me to move and act, in ways that probably aren't very comfortable. I don't want to get stuck in the middle. I want to live the story that God gave me, like something of an adventure novel. So when we chat about that story in heaven, the story he have me that I did something with, He'll smile.
"If the point of life is the same as the point of a story, the point of life is character transformation. If I got any comfort as I set out on my first story, it was that in nearly every story, the protagonist is transformed. He's a jerk at the beginning and nice at the end, or a coward at the beginning and brave at the end. If the character doesn't change, the story hasn't happened yet. And if story is derived from real life, if story is just condensed version of life then life itself may be designed to change us so that we evolve from one kind of person to another. "- Donald Miller
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