I found myself rather grumpy in the last couple of days, bitter that I have to work while I have family in town celebrating Thanksgiving. Grumpy also, for the lack of wintery weather that was promised by the local weather stations. Grumpy and sad for all the referrals that are coming in at work for all the severely struggling mentally ill kids that we cannot serve because we are full to the brim. I can think of a lot of other reasons to be grumpy too, but that takes a lot of energy, I’m learning.
Since working in the mental health field, I have learned many things about the mind and behavior. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), one of many interventions used in mental health therapy, is based on the idea that our thoughts cause our feelings and behaviors, not external things, like people, situations, and events. This proves as a very powerful thing, actually it serves to give the person power over their own circumstances. As we often cannot control the actions and reactions of others, the weather, car problems, the choices of many individuals and larger groups or entities- we can then, at least, control our reaction to these things. As with many other self-improvement concepts this is much easier said than done. I think I first learned about CBT three or four years ago, I’ve been using CBT interventions with kids for over two years, and am only now beginning to understand and use some of the basic skills for myself.
Instead of making this a lesson about CBT, what it is, how to use it, and my arbitrary way of teaching, I’ll include a quote from the National Association of Cognitive-Behavioral Therapists to sum this therapy up in a much more articulate way than I ever could.
"Cognitive-behavioral therapy does not tell people how they should feel. However, most people seeking therapy do not want to feel they way they have been feeling. The approaches that emphasize stoicism teach the benefits of feeling, at worst, calm when confronted with undesirable situations. They also emphasize the fact that we have our undesirable situations whether we are upset about them or not. If we are upset about our problems, we have two problems -- the problem, and our upset about it. Most people want to have the fewest number of problems possible. So when we learn how to more calmly accept a personal problem, not only do we feel better, but we usually put ourselves in a better position to make use of our intelligence, knowledge, energy, and resources to resolve the problem."
So what the heck does CBT have to do with Thanksgiving? Well, in my opinion, a lot. Look at the time we are in right now, economically in a recession, spiritually many are apathetic, world peace/safety is questionable (The war in Afghanistan. North Korea shelling South Korea, anyone?), political gridlock on many pertinent issues, and (again, in my opinion) a generally cynical attitude towards the world. Let’s juxtapose that against Thanksgiving and the Holiday season in general. This season is not really about any of those things listed above. I’m thankful for the opportunity to stop and be thankful for what I do have and the Hope that has been promised. Using the principles of CBT, when I get grumpy during this Holiday season, serves to bring me back to the purpose of this time. That when idiot drivers are being idiots, knowing that I can’t control their driving by tailgating them, I can take peace in knowing that I can control my own reaction to their idiocy. Thereby, making my day or at least that moment much more enjoyable (or at least tolerable).
Jesus came in a lowly way, not in some grand extravagant way. This Holiday season, I choose to focus on what He did, why He came here and the implications of that. Things aren’t any easier during the Holidays, problems still arise, tragedies occur, people are still human and make poor choices. What would life be without this yearly reminder to focus on our families, our friends, and the things we DO have rather than what we don’t? What would happen if we chose not to acknowledge the gifts we do have, however small and the hope of a birth in a manger? I’d think it would be sad, among other things. So, I’m looking forward to candy canes, Christmas lights, hot cocoa with friends, making things for those I care about, helping those that need it, remembering the hope I have, and trying to reduce stress by remembering who is really in control.
