Social Work and Photography

With the deadline of my graduate school application fast approaching, I spent sometime in a coffee shop this last weekend working on my personal statement. I may have been the caffeine or the eclectic group of individuals around me or perhaps the coffee shop itself.

Bipartisan Cafe, just down the road from my house, close to Flying Pie Pizza and the Academy Theater, is a really interesting and fun coffee shop. I'd like to think I'm a bit of a coffee connoisseur, but I'm probably not. However, this place has a really cool atmosphere and vibe. It has all of the really old war posters (think Norman Rockwell) and interesting artifacts from what seems to be a world ago. At least a world that I've never known.

Norman Rockwell's images depict many different American ideals, some that seem foreign now. I like how his illustrations showcase the more 'everyday' or 'normal' life scenarios. A lot of his pictures showcase or highlight a peak of wartime in the mid-1900's. Another artist that is not like Norman Rockwell at all, but no less powerful in his depictions of life is that of W. Eugene Smith.

According to Wikipedia, Smith was "known for his refusal to compromise professional standards and his brutally vivid World War II photographs". One look at his body of work and I think most would agree. These pictures aren't for the faint of heart. I also wonder, how many of these pictures would be accurate of today's men and women serving all over the world.

The image to your left, is the first W. Eugene Smith photo that I'd ever seen. It was the summer going into my senior year of high school and I was taking an photography class at the local community college for my senior project. Our term project was creating a photo essay on a particular subject. Part of this project was researching a photographer that the instructor assigned to you, and studying their methods in terms of similarities and differences to you. It was in the Multnomah County Library, in Downtown Portland, that I was learning about other people's suffering from generations ago. I wanted to learn how to make that stop for people.

Maybe lots of people have many defining moments in their lives, generally, I'm not one of those people. My life has been and is being defined by many experiences, sights, conversations and quiet moments, a sort of meandering narrative. However, if I've ever had a defining moment, this could have been one of them, sitting in that huge, quiet library flipping through page after page. This was the beginning of my journey to the field of social work. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to be a photographer and I ran with that idea until partway through college when I woke up and realized I was of average talent and skill in a field where less than %10 of the best 'make it'. So I switched to the next best thing, Human Development!

Fast forward 7ish years and I'm looking towards a Masters. It was looking at W. Eugene Smith's raw photos that showed me a more diverse human experience. The sufferings of so many people and nations for a multitude of reasons. My realization in college that I was never going to make a living being a photographer, and that my true passion lies in helping 'the least of these'. God had taken me on my unique journey to give me perspective, in order to better serve others, to be a better human.


I'm excited for the journey that lies ahead and a little afraid, but I don't think any journey worth walking is without a few bumps in the road and a little trepidation. It's my prayer that I'd be present in others lives, taking part in stories around me and forming some of my own.

Here's Hoping, Rip City

I can't say the Blazer's have always been a team with a strong following. The 'Rise With Us' slogan has been a welcome change in the last couple years from that of my youth, when they were known as the 'Jail Blazers'. It is nice to have a team to be proud (for the most part) of.

I like sports, but I'm not a crazy huge fan, and I won't pretend to know a ton about every sport. I think football and basketball are the two sports I know most about and enjoy watching. What I know about soccer is limited to my few years on a youth league and softball to my two seasons of T-ball. My expertise is more akin to swimming and water polo in high school and my attempt (as a 5 foot 3 inch female) to row crew on an NCAA D1 school (a few torn muscles and cracked bones later, I learned MY lesson).

All that to say, the ONLY defining sports experience I had was when the OSU Beavers won the World Series back to back while I was in school. I've had my hopes for the Beavs and football, but I'm not kidding myself (heck, I'd be happy with ANY Pac-10 or 12 team winning the championship). Blazer's won the Championship about 10 years before I was born AND Portland hasn't had any other professional team (until MLS came to town this year).

I'd LOVE the Blazers to pull this one out and take the series and prove to the world we've got something. So, here's hoping! Go Blazers!

One Chapter Closing

As I wind through my last few days with my current job, I've taken a position of reflection. I started in this agency 4 and a half years ago. It was the beginning of my junior year at Oregon State, and I was petrified. I'd just been hires as a 'Child and Adolescent Treatment Specialist' for a psychiatric residential treatment facility for kids. I was in no way a specialist of anything (except maybe procrastinating my school work) let alone of any kind of treatment or kids. I think I had taken one directly related class on the mental health system. I'd heard such horror stories about this job and my mindset walking in was, 'I can always quit'. But hey, they were willing to pay me WAY over minimum wage, a whole $9.06/hr!

Well, four and a half years later and I've moved from a direct care staff to management, from residential to community programs and most recently in admissions. I feel like I've covered it all, well everything you can do without a Masters degree. It is bittersweet, my departure. I'm excited to move forward in my professional career, but am sad to leave the people I've come to know and care about as they have made this experience positive. Because goodness knows getting spit on, yelled at (by kids and parents), and enduring the beast that are insurance companies isn't the ONLY reason I stayed as long as I did.

In my experience, aside from some hilarious/sad/traumatizing/scary stories of working with the kids, my co-workers have made this the most formative professional experience I've had thus far. I'm walking away with some amazing friendships that have endured geographic changes, career changes, marriages, houses and babies. In all of that, I'm struck by the stories of those around me. That I've been privileged to at least lay witness and in some cases be a part of some people's stories.

In this season, I've met what were not only two hilarious and wonderful people, but people that would become my roommates for one of the more challenging seasons of my life. I've forged stronger friendships with some people that I had known prior to my employment with the agency.

Others that I have met amaze me with their intelligence, humor, skill and humility and have learned that despite whatever ideological or spiritual or personal differences there may be, you can always laugh together. Because we are all human, and if I've learned one thing, you can't take life THAT seriously.

I've watched others make poor professional or life decisions, they are in the midst of their own story and I've been lucky to have others walk with me through my own challenges.

Being able to hear the stories of those kids and staff I've worked with have helped me; to understand the world around me a little better, to have a little more empathy and compassion for the myriad of stories going on out there. There are some really great ones being lived, and there are some really tragic ones. I'm in the midst of my own and with this experience almost in my rear view mirror, as much as I've grown and grown up, I still don't know what to do with my life. Mostly, I feel motivated to not just live a good story, regardless of what that looks like, but to step into others stories. To be present for a season or a lifetime.

Finally, in Donald Miller's book, 'A Million Miles in a Thousand Years', he talks about this idea, of living a better story. On the last page of the book I think Miller sums it up nicely, "How brightly a better story shines. How easily the world looks to it in wonder."

twin baby boys have a conversation - OFFICIAL VIDEO

Oh my gosh, this video cracks me up, it's SO cute and SO funny!!!

We All Want More

In my continued reading of "A Kingdom Called Desire" by Rick McKinley this week, I must be honest here. A lot of what I've been reading and experiencing in my own spiritual life is about being honest with not only myself, but most importantly with God. I also want to be honest here- so most of the ideas in this post were spurred by my reading of this book...so, if I'm being honest I guess these are just his ideas that my brain has chewed over. I just want to give credit where credit is due.

Basically what I've surmised so far, and what has been evident in my life, is that our desires lead us to the discovery that fulfillment in this life is unattainable. As life progresses and the things we chase, point us to the fact that what we truly desire is impossible. That is in the next life.

I found this rather disappointing way of looking at it at first, what I was hearing from that was 'you'll never be happy', but that is the wrong way of looking at it. Looking past that, in an attempt to look past this disappointment and pain, I can often water down my desires to tangible things. I often look to financial security, a job or relationships or things to fill up that longing.

So when we face what we really want and we take the risk to be honest with ourselves, others, and God about those desires, we need to dig a bit deeper past the fray of tings and stuff in order to get to the hearts desire. We don't simply want a better job; we want security and fulfillment and meaning.....We don't just want to be married; we want to love and be loved...We don't just want the smaller desires; we want life.

This last week I was offered an amazing job. Amazing in that it is for an agency with a mission I can align myself professionally and ethically, amazing in the facility I'll be working in, amazing in the people I'll be working with and amazing pay for my education level and field (not to mention for a non-profit!). I've been on this hunt to find a fulfilling job and when I was offered it there was this momentary feeling of 'yes, life will be ok now'. That was a rather fleeting feeling when I realized the bills I have and grad school looming in the near future. Shortly after, I realized what an immense blessing and opportunity this is. I couldn't and can't take credit for it, let alone with all I've been learning lately that this was in any way going to complete me. That it will fill a momentary 'desire' (more money= security, right?) but that what I really desire is Jesus. Because, in the end, all other things will disappoint. Jobs are never all that they seem, relationships- no matter genetic or chosen- have their sour times, and security found in money will lead me on a long and tired chase to nowhere and feeling darn lonely once I stop. Jesus is better than any of those things. In my desire for Him, to serve, to love in truth and grace, to do justice is incredibly freeing.

Paying attention to our hearts brings us face-to-face with a hunger and thirst for life. And right here we may become the most afraid, because honesty that is willing to admit what we truly desire must also admit life is not completely ours to possess. In fact, life is quite limited.

I want to pay attention to my heart, to Him, to the desires that he created in me. That I am in Him. I want to sit inside the question of what freedom will look like as I am honest, with both desires and fears.