Weary Sojourners

I have always loved Mark Twain. At least I've loved some of his books. He has always appeared to be an interesting man that wrote of tales and adventures. I think that is why I like his writing. I'm a dreamer, a planner by any other name, but not so much of a 'doer'. Sure, I stay busy 'doing' things, lots of things. Lots of coffee drinking, lots of playing around on the Internet, lots of time with friends, some reading, some cooking but not much doing that has to do with adventure. Now, I won't pretend to know the definition of 'adventure' as I am learning it has many facets, but I know that I crave it.

God's timing is something that will always remain quite the mystery to me. Even today, when my car didn't start, I couldn't help but think what perfect timing it was. Sure, it was inconvenient and I couldn't go swimming when I had wanted too. However, just the week before, if my car hadn't started I would have been in big trouble as I would have had to go from my full time job to my part time job with no time for mechanical troubles. So, today as annoying as it was, I marveled at His timing. I didn't have to be anywhere. I didn't have anyone depending on me, so I just had to roll with the punches.

God's timing on a bigger, grander scale is something that, to be honest, I've been getting annoyed with. When will I get into grad school? When will I get married? Will I have a family? What will my career be? When will I find adventure? These are the questions that often course through my brain at any given moment on any given day. Being the 'planner' that I am, it becomes quite inconvenient when things don't GO as planned. Then you have to find a new plan, and a new one for that one that didn't work, it can be exhausting. Twain said "A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds". So, I suppose I am a bit of a tool.

I am finding that the one thing that is often missing from many of my plans is God. Now, of course He is always an after-thought, like "oh, if I get into grad school and get my degree, God could use me in ______ way!" I don't think that is the way He does things, not the way He plans. So what should I do? I suppose I should shut up, sit down, and listen.

Amazing how even when I don't follow Him first, His plan is still in place. It still unfolds the way He intends.

That's where I want to be. Doing. Being active in God's plan and living it out. I think that is what the Adventure is all about.

I've had a few realizations lately, regarding my 'plans' that have not come to fruition. Like, maybe what I've been trying to hard to do these last few years, isn't where I am going. Dare I even say it, but, maybe Social Work isn't where I am to be? Maybe some of those other interest that I've always had, are where I should be going? I'm not really sure yet, but my newest motto (if you will) is to give things a shot. Try it out, apply for the job, apply for the program, talk to people. See what happens. I am also not sure I'll really know for sure either, I think that is all apart of being human. I can't know all those mysteries.

In addition to sudden realizations about where my future may or may not be going, I've had some unwelcome realizations about my past. Realizing that there were a lot of things untouched and unprocessed about the first 18 years of my life. Looking toward my future, I am learning I can't go very far without unpacking and lightening the load of what has already happened. I've genuinely always believed in 'letting things go' and just 'accepting' things and moving forward and not feeling things if I don't have too. But I'm finding out that maybe some of those things stuck around and were misplaced for awhile or that maybe I didn't 'accept' as many things as I thought I did rather than just ignoring them. Ignorance is bliss, right? Maybe not.

On this road to self-discovery or whatever you call it, enters a plan. I think the only path to take is what scripture talks about in Proverbs 16:3-4, 9 "Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed. The Lord works out everything for His own ends- even the wicked for a day of disaster...In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps."

William Butler Yeats was quite a bit different from Mark Twain. Yeats was a fierce Irishman, one that was a driving force behind the Irish Literary Revival, he was a writer and a poet. He was fascinated with legends and un-earthly things. I doubt you'd see a line like this in a Twain book, "Come Fairies, take me out of this dull world, for I would ride with you upon the wind and dance upon the mountains like a flame!". Nevertheless, he wrote some profound (and some strange) pieces. One thing he said is something that has been on my planful mind lately. He said "In dreams begins responsibility." So I guess I am figuring out my dreams, as they relate to my identity in God, NOT in this world and where the responsibility lies. I think I've got a long road ahead.

I read an article today titled "Buried Treasure: The Adventure of Staying Put" by Andrew Peterson. In it, Peterson talks about his thirst for adventure as a child and young adult and how true adventure is where you are. It is in your community, your neighborhood, your family. It was a really good perspective for me to hear, as I always equate adventure with doing and going. Learning that maybe adventure is what I am doing, it is right here, right now. http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0002333.cfm#share

"A lot has been made of the Christian life-as-adventure, and I get that. Christ didn't die and conquer death for us to waste away in front of the television. But here's the thing: No experience in my life has approached the joy, wonder, pain, and beauty of staying put". - Andrew Peterson

See Below

Ok, check it out. Copy and paste the link below and read the article. It is a more eloquent and interesting story with the same idea as my previous post about the cupcake.

http://burnsidewriters.com/2010/07/28/discontent/

It's hard to not be happy when you're holding a cupcake

I was lamenting the other day about all the things that are stressing me out, like I commonly do. Then it hit me; everything I've been stressing about in say, the last three months, has been taken care of. Let me count the ways:


1. My job at the school was ending, and I had no sight of a job (despite many, many applications being sent out into oblivion like thousands of others). Then, like magic, I got this on-call job with one of the counties that would be perfect for the interim.

2. When my on-call job was about to fail me in getting me enough hours to pay my bills and I was freaking out, I got a phone call. Result: I got a call for an interview for a job I'd applied for awhile back, and got it. I started the next week, right in time to get paid for my bills due. Magic.

3. This one is not so much a stressor, as it has been a lifetime dream. No joke or exaggeration. I have ALWAYS wanted to go to Disneyland. I'm a closet Disney fanatic, well, not anymore. Low-and-behold, with the jobs I have and all the hours I've put in recently, I have enough money to pay for plane tickets. POOF! My dream is coming true.

There is a common theme to the three samples of my recent 'troubles'; money. In the words of Homer Simpson, "the cause of and solution too, all of life's problems". He was referring to beer, however I find a similar quality between the two. Too much and its all over.

Regardless of Homer's advice, this is not a new thing in my life. Stressing, especially stressing about money. I'm a planner, and often times things do not go as planned. I think my Aunt told me once, that I was born planning. This has been a common theme throughout my life, especially the last 5 or 6 years. I always freak out. Try to fix the problem in whatever way I can. Then I realize I've forgotten a crucial step to anything. Pray. It seems that God would have me learn the same lesson over and over again, or I just don't ever really get it. To trust in Him. "There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off." Proverbs 23.18

So, I was eating a cupcake when it hit me; I've got it pretty good. Think about it, I was born in America, in the 80's, grew up with progressive technology and ideas, have a supportive family, got a college degree, have true friends, and live in a beautiful region. When I take away all the 'stress' that I feel like I am under. Not just the money issue, but career stuff, grad school stuff, relationship stuff, etc. Then I can truly see all the wonderful things that I have. So, keeping with themes, you'll find an abbreviated list of all of the things I'm thankful for (in no specific order).

1. Cheese- never met a cheese I didn't like
2. Sunshine- we had a wet and long spring, and a pretty sub-par summer in PDX (in my opinion) and I really enjoy when the Sun makes an appearance. Good old vitamin D.
3. Insurance that pays 100% for my glasses.
4. My church and community.
5. Friends visiting town.
6. Disney movies.
7. Facebook chatting with friends thousands of miles away.
8. Food carts and the goodies they create.
9. Seeing all the downtown buildings on my way to work.
10. Floating the river on a hot day.
11. Public transportation.
12. Video's of my niece laughing. Children laughing, in general.
13. Pumpkin pie, in July.
14. Concerts in the Zoo.
15. Raspberries.
16. The Saturday Market.
17. The fact there are two coffee shops within a 5 min. walk of my work.
18. Watching the Sunrise and the possibilities of a new day.
19. My family.
20. Cupcakes.

It is so often the small things in life that bring joy in life, right? What are you thankful for?